Heart and Soul of a Psychotherapist

Intolerance : Seed of Evil

Beautiful ones that you are, know that there are amongst us those whose level of intolerance can maim and inflict pain on this world and her inhabitants.  Recently read about a judge who awarded 11 million to a family of a marine killed in the Iraqi war from a "religious" organization   who is intolerant of homosexuals.  Bravo judge. Members of this "church" protested  this marines funeral with cruel banners , such as "Thank God for dead soldiers".  They believe that God is punishing the US for their tolerance of homosexuals. 
To lose a child is the worse pain one can experience and yet this poor marine's family grief and pain had to be compounded by these truly heartless individuals.   Intolerance is responsible for the crusades, inquisition,Cathar obliteration,multiple wars ,Nazi deaths to million of Jews, slavery,segregation,and most recently 9/11.
Intolerance begins in the warped perception of humans, that is fueled by ignorance and fear. It can be passed down through generations, contaminating view and behaviors of the  masses.  Prejudice is the poisonous fruit of intolerance of the differences in race, creed,nationalities, religions, and sexual orientations.

Intolerance can also begin as a denial of a tendency or part of oneself that is threatening to a person's image of himself, or the image he feels he must portray to others.   Red flags go up in me when I see someone who is vehemently opposed and obsessed with for example homosexuality.  We can also see this in certain histories of recently "fallen" fundamentalist preachers or politicians who were found to have been involved in certain sexual behaviors they opened campaigned to condemn and vilify as sinful.  The louder they shout, the more one may be hiding so to speak about a part of themselves they secretly wish they could get rid of. 

   Intolerant people rarely make good psychotherapy candidates because of there rigidity of thought and there arrogant self righteousness.  They generally have to experience a earth shuddering life crisis for them to even be open to considering another view.  In personal relationships, they are apt to be extremely vocal about their diverse opinions and will quickly try to question and openly denounce conflictual perspectives of others.  They are very defensive of their positions and will fight you to the nail .  Extreme criticalists that they are, they will often want to bait you to belate and negate your different views  under the disguise of their righteousness . They are excellent twisters of word and like to undermine  opposing views with sarcasm and belittlement.   Underlying this is of course is a great amount of aggression, stemming from their own feelings of powerlessness, about a part of themselves.  Not the kind of person you would want to hang around with unless you share their views to a tee, and slither in your own intolerant ways. 

All Saints Day 2007

   All Saints Day  is here. A time to go to the cemetery, fix up the surroundings, and of course remember our loved ones who have passed to the other side.
     It is good to set aside at least one day to formally celebrate the passing our family members who have left us on this planet.  Certainly they are to be remembered in our hearts any time we want, but find is nice that the Roman Catholic and Orthodox traditions set aside a special day to focus on their passing.  There are blessings by priests of the tomes.  Families gather to put fresh flowers on graves.  Chrysanthemums are offered everywhere here in France prior to Nov 1, and cemeteries are colorfully decorated with all the beautiful shades of them.
       I remember with much love my mother Jacquelyn, my father Hamilton, my brother Hamilton Jr., my grandmothers Doris and Gramabert, grandfathers Gandy and Doc C., my uncle Bud, my cousins Ronnie and Sandra taken for this earth in their youth, and for all those who have touched my heart, Gary, Chris , Stephanie, Rochelle, and Cristal.  May peace and love annoint your souls forever.  I miss you all dearly.  With much love..........

Sexual Abuse of Children

Another sad story caught my eye today.  A 15 year old French teen raped by 3 men in Dubai.  His mom has started a web site in order to help bring light to the awful injustices of the legal system there immersed in Islamic law. boycottdubai.com  Bright shining towering monument of buildings belie a decrepit archaic social system still calling the shots, despite all the billions invested there.
   This little guy has a long road ahead of him.  No matter how much and how good whatever therapy he receives, those scars are there for good.   Trauma of that degree literally etches a tracing in the brain, as does all trauma, be it combat, gross accidents,  scenes of  horrific death of others, raging fires, and  etc.   
      As a therapist , you hope he will be able to recover enough to lead a somewhat "normal" life despite the scares that will remain.  In time they can shrink, but no therapy can remove them.  He will have the long road ahead of him of recovering from the sequelae the rest of his life. 
      The sequelae is what a therapist tries to minimize or eliminate.  Foremost is the feelings of shame, and of feeling dirty and unclean.  The pervasive feelings of responsibility despite the rational mind knowing he did not have any choice other than submit.  Childhood victims of sexual abuse, rapes suffer lower selfesteem  in general and incredible difficulty in establishing a normal sense of sexuality.  Developmentally, they are thrown to deal with a trauma that they have had no prior time to developed enough coping skills to even comprehend what has happened to them.  This is especially true in victims preteen and under 10.  Prematurely sexualized, they enter a world most of us only  explore following our own chronologically  appropriate time lines.  Even then, most of us are not fully prepared to deal with sexual relationships, nor orientations, that may be homosexual or trans gender.

Having being thrown into the physical sensations associated with sexual organs, undeveloped for that purpose, they are quickly sensitized to associating sexual feelings with pain and fear.  Avoidance can develop, along with flashbacks  and nightmares of the trauma in adulthood.  Teenage victims of molestation who have  been taken advantage of by trusted others, end up having a slew of conflicting feelings of pleasure, shame and guilt.  Pre mature sexualized teens, can often confuse sexual activity as emotional intimacy.  This can lead to sexual addiction or promiscuity.  Sexual trauma victims may have developed a compartmentalization of separating sexual activity from all emotional ties, a numbing of sorts.

    If you think that childhood sexual abuse is not that prevalent, and only  reserved for a certain social class or nationality.  Wrong.  I could say approximately half or more of my patients have had some history of molestation raging from slight to horrific, as in Alex's case.  Some trauma memories can be hidden in the unconscious, only to be partial and fully revealed in adulthood.  One sees certain constellation of systoms associated with adult victims of childhood abuse that can override the trauma as the presenting problem.  Usually these are under the diagnosis of Post Traumatize Stress syndrome.  Relationship histories can also be revealing of prior abuse too.  Amnesic periods of childhood are often a big red flag, as can traumatic reoccurring nightmares.

Last but not least, pedophiles come in ALL orientations.  Though the most published lately may have homosexual priests, most homosexuals are not pedophiles.  I can say that heterosexuals pedophiles as perpetrators  are much more implicated in childhood sexual abuse that any homosexual population!

Alex is a brave Young man to come forth and bear is fragile self and wounds in an benevolent attempt to bring light to the henious injustices under those shiny modernistic buildings.  I pray for his healing and that of his family.

Happy Halloween !

Beautiful ones that you...... I f you grew up American, today is full of childhood memories of trick or treat, costumes that you were going to where, trekking out with your lighted pumpkin, hoping to fill your sack with all that candy that Mom had to go through to make sure there was no hidden razors. Ah, the good old days of innocence, the smell of fallen leaves in the crisp autonm air, bobbing for apples in a tub and the Halloween cupcakes.
Here in France the Roman Catholic church has labled Halloween as a pagan holiday, that Americans have promogated , again for commercial reason, that outshine or take away from the solemenity of Toussaints( All Saints Days). November the first is a national holiday in France and traditionally the day for blessing of the tomes of the dead. The church has pamplets to why families should avoid Halloween. When I was a student here in the 60's, there was absolutely no indication what so ever of Halloween, so was surprised by the appearance of Halloween advertising when came back in 2000.
As an American, I can celebrate both with as much carefree fun for Haloween and solenemity for All Saints as I want, even in France!!! Freedom of choice. Hallalulia!!!

Why I want to share with You

Beautiful ones that you, welcome to my blog. I use to have a free Psychotherapy Discussion Cafe in Paris, one in French and the other in English. It was fun. People would come, have a glass of wine and we would talk about different topics . Some I chose and mixed in with whatever others wanted to know. As my practice grew, I eventually stopped. I miss sharing on a large scale. I want to give back to the universe the blessings poured upon me. With blogging, boundaries no longer exist. The world at large is your oyster.
I promise to nourish your longing to know things about my world of being a therapist. Bits and pieces of my passionate heart and relentlist soul to help the suffering others. My knowleges and my views from 25 years of practice. The ups and the downs and the in betweens.
So grab a glass of wine or tea, if you so please , and snuggle down to I hope to some interesting reads. Don't be scared or shy to ask me questions. I am hear to share and enlighten.
Hugs from Cheriekiss